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I just love fast sundays! they remind me to strengthen my testimony, and to share it as often as possible. I've been feeling really under the weather lately, pushing myself to the limits, yet again. I'm struggling between attending church related activities, relaxing, catching up on school work, and family time. It's a hard choice, when I'm the only member in my family. I find myself slowly but surely slipping away from the lives of those in my family. I feel guilty when I even think about not attending FHE or other activities, but I know that I need to rest and strive to take my meds and be healthy. so, I'm new to blogging, I don't have some extensive vocabulary or amazing stories to share but I enjoy writing... just because!

so, this sabbath day was like..amazing! I totally took a sunday nap! :) best decision ever!

Last sunday, as well as the week prior to, I spent each day fretting about whether or not I was worthy to enter the temple. After praying, reading the scriptures, and the little pamphlet "Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple" I came to a final decision that I was not ready. I've been a member of the church for less than 2 months, and I just didn't think I was ready. I felt like I was more curious than righteous, not as worthy as others, and overwhelmed by the church and the ordinances within the temple. As I was driving to church I had the urge to look in my billfold, which is where I keep my temple recommend, so I looked. Well, to my surprise it wasn't in there. I was shocked. I felt like I had lost something very very important, because I did. Without a recommend, I can't enter the temple, by not attending the temple, I can't do work for those who are just waiting. To me, this was the final straw. Proof that I was not worthy to enter the temple. The Bishop was out, so I talked to his right hand man, and I couldn't help but ball. My emotions were spilled all over the place, I was embarassed, I felt insecure, I felt irresponsible, and more importantly I felt like I truly wasn't ready to go to the temple. He encouraged me to thoroughly evaluate my decision, and come back to him at the end of church services to decide whether or not I wanted him to reissue it. It was amazing, in sacrament someone gave a talk about temples. I truly felt like the spirit was testifying to me that it was the adversary trying to prevent me from helping others. I realized that I am worthy, and that there are people waiting, who need me. Wednesday I went to the temple. I read some scriptures prior to, I prayed with true intent, and found myself more content than excited. To me, this was good. I didn't want to walk into the temple overwhelmed by excitement. I was baptized on behalf of people who struggled with agency. I was giving them the best gift possible, the gospel, the baptismal convenants. As I was baptized on behalf of others, I cried and thought about how imporant my baptism was, and how sincere and true the spirit was. I prayed that these people would finally realize what to do, and that they would make the right choice. I thought about how they lived their lives, what dresses they would've worn to their baptism, whether or not they had children, and how grateful I am to be able to be worthy enough to do something so amazing. The spirit was there, it tesitfied to me that temples are key to our salvation, as well as the salvation of others. we need to remain worthy enough to enter the temple, so that we can help those who cannot help themselves. I know that this church is true and I absolutely love it!